A better divorce

Getting through your divorce without scorching the earth and hating each other at the end is possible. This article provides some great tips for how to make it happen: 

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  1. Adopt an attitude of wanting to workout a healthy divorce.
  2. Despite what you are feeling, treat your ex partner with respect.
  3. If children are involved, you should not stand in the way of them having a healthy relationship with both parents. “When a couple is fighting over children, all it does is hurt them. When you tell your child that their mom/dad is bad, all you’re telling them is that half of them is bad,” said Peer.
  4. Do not use children to be vengeful, rather do what is best for them even if it hurts you.
  5. Don’t make emotionally driven decisions. “There’s a lot of anger, frustration and sometimes pure hatred. Making decisions based on such emotions will only come back to hurt you,” said Peer.
  6. Look at everything in the long term. This is a phase that is going to pass, while you might have justification for being angry, you can’t use it as an excuse to behave badly.
  7. If you can’t make practical decisions on your own, look to someone you trust who is wise and can offer you advice.
  8. However, be careful who you ask for help as dragging the general public into your private affairs is a breeding ground for miscommunication and misunderstanding.
  9. Do not view your family as broken, live as a newly created family.
  10. Don’t be rigid to the point where it worsens the situation or harms children involved. The court order is there to help and guide you but sometimes things change.
  11. Understand that there is no “One Size Fits All” and what worked for another couple might not work for your situation. “There is no general rule for divorce because we are working with people – vulnerable and flawed human beings,” said Peer
  12. Don’t make your divorce your story. Learn from the mistakes that you made in your marriage and let them strengthen you and not define you.
  13. Try out mediation. “It is never too late to resort to mediation, even after your divorce. You can be very creative in finding practical, workable arrangements that fit your situation. Mediation allows you more authority over your life in a comfortable and private setting,” said Peer.
  14. Sometimes litigation is the only option. “When the case is one of very high conflict, it can be very difficult to get the parties to agree on anything. In such cases, the mediation will probably not be successful and it is best for the parties to approach the courts for relief"

 

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