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7 Ways to Save Your Marriage

A couple looking at the sky

If you're reading my blog because you think you might need to get a divorce, but you're hoping your marriage will work out, here is a summary of an article giving ideas to try:

1. Make a list of all the issues you argue or feel hopeless about.

Write out a list of all the issues that you have been arguing about or giving up on.  Include on your list the issues that concern your spouse as well as the ones that irritate and frustrate you

2. Refocus on yourself.

Notice that when you feel angry, your focus will tend to be on your spouse, on what she or he does or doesn’t do that frustrates you.

This second step requires a shift of focus, from focusing outward on him or her to focusing inward on your own concerns and desires.

3. Cut the crap.

The negative muck you give each other is totally unhelpful. Negative comments to each other only taint a positive relationship. So, no more criticism, complaints, blame, accusations, anger, sarcasm, digs, or snide remarks. No more raised voices or anger escalations either. Stay in the calm zone.

4. Express concerns constructively and make decisions cooperatively.

A simple way to stay constructive in sensitive conversations is to pick from the following trio of potential sentence starters: "I feel [followed by a one-word adjective]"; "My concern is …"; or "I would like to …"

5. Eliminate the three "A’s" that ruin marriages.

Affairs, Addiction, and Anger.

6. Radically increase the positive energies you give your partner.

The best things in life really are free. The more positives you give, the more you'll get.

7. Learn the skills for a successful marriage.

Find books and marriage education courses to learn the communication and conflict resolution skills for a marriage partnership.

Deciding to get a divorce is difficult, and if you've tried what you can you'll second guess yourself less.  And if you do decide to move forward, we'll be here for you. Get in touch when you're ready.

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